Being a Suitable Help Meet - Mrs. Betty John Kurian
Being a Suitable Help Meet
Mrs. Betty John Kurian
MOM Focus 13th Young Mothers’ Meeting
Youtube Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7jhu29MYsM&t=4339
INTRODUCTION
Every married couple desires to spend a lifetime of joy and togetherness
No one marries to hate or put another person in trouble
We should keep up with our spouses and live life to the fullest
The Bible gives clear instructions for a successful marriage
The best marriage is between two servants in love
God has brought us together to serve one another
We are a single unit and that oneness needs to exist in all matters of our life
A good marriage is a miniature heaven on earth and a bad marriage makes you experience a part of hell on earth
A SUITABLE HELPMEET
God made woman to be a helper to man
Genesis 2:18 - And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Help + meet = ezer (helper) + k’enegdo (opposite to)
Helper - Adam’s companion
Man and woman were made equal, in the image of God, and both given dominion in the earth
The word ‘ezer’ appears 21 times in the Bible
2 times for a woman
3 times for miliary help
16 times for God Himself
A woman was designed to be man’s mirror opposite, possessing the other half of the quantities, responsibilities, and attributes which he lacked
We have the qualities that he doesn’t have
What Adam lacks, Eve has. So together they would fulfill what God has planned for their lives
A helper suitable for Adam - a corresponding and equal partner for Adam
Eve was Adam’s spiritual equal
She was supposed to help him out with his difficulties
The role of a woman as a ‘helper’ means one who comes to the aid of man
God made men and women differently yet they complement each other beautifully
Physically and emotionally different
We think and make decisions differently
To be a perfect helpmeet, we must understand our spouse’s needs
Understanding each other’s needs goes a long way in turning a marriage around
IMPORTANT NEEDS OF MEN - #1 HONOR AND RESPECT
Key Verses:
Ephesians 5:22-24, 33
(vs. 22-24) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
(vs. 33) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Colossians 3:18 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is firring in the Lord.
1 Peter 3:1 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,’
Wives are asked to respect, honor, and submit to their husbands. To be respected is a priority for husbands, just as being loved and cared for is a priority for wives.
Men desire to be honored. Men gravitate to the place where they are respected and move away from the place where they do not get it.
He may look very brave and strong on the outside but when he is not respected he is devastated within. So they will do anything to get respect and honor
If a man does not get respect in the home, he feels he is worthless
He loses his self-respect
He becomes broken and devastated
We do not respect them based on his qualifications but on the basis of who he is as a leader that God has appointed over us
We respect him when we submit to his leadership
If submission can be noticed on the outside, honor, and respect are from the heart
Our heart attitude towards our husbands must be right
True submission comes from the heart
Submission is not moral, intellectual, or spiritual inferiority. It does not imply superiority of the male or the inferiority of the female
It doesn’t mean being a servant or just saying yes to everything
Submission means listening and hearing him, giving him the role of making decisions
The order is just functional
God has made him the leader of the home
When we give our opinions, we should do it with the heart of humility and submission
PRACTICAL WAYS TO HONOR AND RESPECT
I would admire him for who he is
No one else in the world would take his place in my life
Tell him that you are proud to be his wife
I would speak well and kindly about him, to him, and to others
I will not talk down on him and treat him as if he does not know anything
Don’t interrupt when he is speaking
Be careful with our words
He may not be perfect, but I would overlook his faults and focus on his strengths
Don’t make fun of his weaknesses
Know that he is capable of making mistakes
Don’t make negative remarks
I will consider how hard he works to support the family and the sacrifices he makes
Appreciate his efforts
I would stand with him when he is in trouble and encourage him when he is down
I will seek his counsel and advice in all things. I may choose to disagree with my husband, but I will not be the enforcer
I will get on my knees for solutions of problems instead of arguing and fighting. I will let him make the final decision in all matters, irrespective of the outcome
God will bless that effort
I will recognize our differences and be patient with him, I will not criticize him for what he is unable to do. I will be ready to do for him what he cannot do
Be ready to do what he cannot for the home
IMPORTANT NEEDS OF MEN - #2 PHYSICAL INTIMACY
You must accept the fact that your husband is more sexual than you. God gave him that need to keep him drawing back to you
It is to maintain the sanctity of the marriage
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Men are more visually and physically stimulated for sex
Women should dress modestly
1 Timothy 2:9 - in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing
Sex has a rightful place in marriage
Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
It is a means to keep the marriage state holy
Sex has a two-fold purpose in marriage
Expressing and experiencing the marriage relationship of leaving and cleaving
Reproduction (procreation)
Human sexuality is all year-round and even beyond the child-bearing age. This is a biological need
They are physically made in that way
We should be ready and available to provide that to our husbands
In 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, couples are exhorted to have sexual relations regularly without reference to reproduction
Songs of Solomon speaks of sexual love hardly mentioning reproduction
Abstinence is only permitted for short intervals with mutual consent
For prayer - spending time in the presence of God
The longest prayers recorded in the Bible were by Moses and Jesus, both of which lasted 40 days. Therefore the period of abstinence should not be longer than that.
Both husband and wife have to be open to each other physically and they do not have the right to hold back from each other. One-sided withholding opens the doors to sexual temptation (1 Corinthians 7:2,5)
PRACTICAL CHECKPOINT
Sex life is the pulse of how your marriage is doing
If you feel dead in this area, take some time to ask the Holy Spirit what may be robbing you of the joy that God intended in marriage
Talk openly and settle things with your spouse
Seek professional counseling if you need it
IMPORTANT NEEDS OF MEN - #3 FRIENDSHIP
The wife’s best friend and companion should be the husband
Do what he loves to do. Assist him in that.
Your husband becomes more open when you are his friend
Be a wife whom he can fully trust. Have nothing secretive in your life but share everything with him
He doesn’t need a mother, but a friend
Titus 2:4 - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children
Young women are to be exhorted to love their husbands
‘Love’ = ‘philandros’, which means brotherly love of friendship love
Be a blessing to him
Our first priority should be for the husband, not our children
Familiar love that likes as much as it loves
Cherishing love means that you have a special affection for him
You must embrace him as if it is a calling from above
Loving one’s husband according to God’s expectations does not come naturally!
Be there for him, since friends stick together
There may be many things in his behavior that is not acceptable to you but through your friendship, he is changed for the better
Be faithful - even in the hard times
Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD
Believe in him - Abraham was called a friend of God because he believed in God
Be an encourager
Don’t doubt him. If you are feeling that way,
Spend quality time together
Keep refreshing your affection and attachment to each other
IMPORTANT NEEDS OF MEN - #4 DOMESTIC SUPPORT
Women have a special ability to turn a house into a home
A man loves a well-kept home
Titus 2:4,5 - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed
Paul is not contradicting the entrepreneurship of women
The priority of the woman should be the home
Encourage him to tell you his needs. He may not tell unless you ask
He must know that you are his God-given support system
The one person who will not judge or criticize him
There may be many things disturbing his mind
Do what you can to make his load lighter
Women are multi-taskers while men can do only one thing at a time. So, make use of this God-given capacity to help him when he has too many jobs to be done
Man can only focus on one thing at a time
Supporting your husband may take some sacrifice on your part. You may have to look into his personal needs too. So be flexible
Live with contentment in the circumstances God has given and use the resources carefully
Don’t get into debt and lay it heavy on his shoulder
Live within your means
A man loves a contented wife
Cook his favorite food - men love to eat
The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach
Put on a pleasant appearance and positive demeanor
Be in a good mood when he gets back home
Men love to relax
Give him some space
You need not be always where he is
He loves a home that is quiet and peaceful
Don’t nag him. Control your anger
Don’t blow up at him in public or in front of the children
Share things privately
Ruth 4:11 - And all the people who were at the gate, and the elders, said, “We are witnesses. The LORD make the woman who is coming to your house like Rachel and Leah, the two who built the house of Israel; and may you prosper in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem.
Proverbs 14:1 - The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
A man can construct a house with cement and concrete, but it takes a woman to make it a home
